Archive for August, 2007

Where have I been?

It seems I may have been living under some manner of sedimentary firmament.

The blogosphere is suddenly rife with people telling me how horrible Dane Cook is, and how much they hate Dane Cook, and what a waste of space Dane Cook is.

So now I find myself thinking… “Who the hell is Dane Cook?”

I thought… well, I am not very good with names… surely this must be someone I would recognize if I saw his face or something.

No.

I went to the web site. I looked at a picture. I have no idea who the heck this most loved / hated comedian in America is.

Oh well.

In other news.

The WWE has suspended 10 wrestlers for using steroids.

There are so many things I could say about that. I think I won’t.

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Smith Smith Smith

These past few months, attempting to write made up things has been nigh impossible for me. The ideas, they are not flowing, or even trickling. I suppose the only way to get through it is to just keep throwing stuff at the wall untill I get back to the point where some of it sticks. I appreciate these Wordsmiths challenges for forcing me to write something when I would most likely otherwise just throw up my hands in defeat.

In that spirit…

Company

“Hey! Mister Harland!”

The man and his horse turned to regard Timmy.

“I almost forgot, Mister Harland. My mom said to ask you for a pound of butter, some cream and two bottles of milk. My Aunt’s coming today. My mom said she’us well-heeled and we better have real butter and cream. I don’t know what her heels have to do with butter, but I’m glad we’re gonna have it. You know we never get butter, Mister Harland, we always have the oleo, but Mom said to have real butter today. I’ve never seen my cousin Edward. I hope he plays baseball. Do you think he’ll play? They’re from the city. My Mom says they have to move here now. I heard my Mom say my Uncle took a dive and they have to leave the city, but I don’t know what that means. My Uncle isn’t coming, though. I asked why, but my Mom told me it wasn’t my business. But you got the butter, right?”

Mister Harland nodded wearily. This job made him tired; getting up early to do the rounds made him tired; but more than anything, having to listen to little Timmy McNeil’s prattle made him tired.

“Yeah, kid, I got it. Why don’t you go play?”

“Okay, Mister Harland. I was heading out to the field to see if any of the guys were out yet, but I had to make sure I told you about the butter. I think Billy should be out by now and maybe Jack too. I’m gonna tell them about Edward. My mom said he’s effete. I hope that means he can play ball good. I saw a picture of him once. He was wearin’ a tie. I’ve never worn a tie. Have you ever worn a tie, Mister Harland?”

“Yeah kid, at my wedding… Now scoot, I got deliveries to make.”

For a wonder, the boy did scoot, and left Harland alone in peace with just Daisy. The horse was good company. For one thing, she didn’t talk to him.

Harland gathered up the new order. Timmy’s prattle aside, he knew from common gossip on the street that the sister was coming to town. People tell the milk man everything, no matter how little he cares to hear.

The rich sister had lost everything when her husband went bankrupt on a bad investment and jumped out a window. Her and the kid had to come down and live with the McNeils, and wasn’t Mrs. McNeil going to guilt her by putting on butter and cream she couldn’t afford to show her sister that she’d be a beggar in the house.

No matter how much time he spent delivering on this street, the pettiness of people never ceased to amaze him.

Coming back from the door, he looked at Daisy for a moment, silently wishing he could trade places with the horse.

He grabbed her bridle and started to walk up to the next block.

“Come on, girl, let’s go”

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OK, Last One…

After this, I promise to stop talking about New York.
But here are some pictures. You can’t go on vacation without boring people half to death with pictures.
Tiny, tiny hotel room…

This little 4-story walk-up is where they shoot The Daily Show. We couldn’t get tickets.

The Staten Island Ferry from the tour boat…

You know who this is…

Washington Square Park in the beautiful sunshine (and 75 degrees!)

Lower Manhattan from the Top of The Rock

Central Park…


Top of the Empire State from the Top of The Rock… You can almost make outthe people on the observation deck there. We didn’t go there because you have to pay a lot more to get to the top of that building.
That’s it… I will now resume complaining about the heat and such.

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Top O’ The Rock

So on Sunday, before we made for the airport, we went to Rockefeller Center and did the “Top of the Rock” dealy.

They really go all out to try to make it worth the rather exhorbitant price ($18 each!).

They have a little museum, history stuff, a movie, etc. etc.

Obviously, like most folks, we skipped all that, as all we were really after was the ride to the top of the building.

I wish I had known the elevator ceiling was going to do this, because I would have liked to take a movie on the way up… but, it has a similar effect watching it go down.

The ride was actually about twice as long as this clip, but I was trying to take pictures of it at first before the SB reminded me that, HELLO! I have video on my camera.

(Click to play, of course)

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Hey! I’m Walkin’ He-ah

As far as I can remember (and we did do quite a bit of “oh – let’s go down there”-ing), this is where we walked on Saturday.

It was sunny, dry, 78, and gorgeous!

All told, I think we walked somewhere between 9 – 11 miles. Again, not sure because of all the twisty-ing.

We started walking around 9am. We got back to the hotel finally around 6 pm.

Best way to see the city!

And… since I have been recounting everything else we ate… this night we had pizza at Famous Original Ray’s Pizza. And I stopped off at the bakery around the corner of the hotel for an apple tart. Yum!

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Of Museums and Parks

So having ended day one in NYC with a headache and a piece of crappy cake, day two had to look up, no?

It was still hot on day two, so we decided to avail ourselves of the air conditioned goodness that is a “museum day”

We started out from the hotel around nine am.

This turned out to be a big mistake.

You know that whole “city that never sleeps” thing they like to prate on about in NYC?

Well, it turns out that the city does, in fact, sleep. It sleeps late. NOTHING in that city opens until 10 o’clock.

We arrived at the Natural History museum at 9:30 (it was only about 20 blocks from the hotel, so even though it was a bit warm, it was a nice walk)

People milling around outside.

Doors shut.

Hey, guess what? No times posted either!

From the number of people doing the milling, we came to the assumption that the place would open at 10 and decided to wander just a little in Central Park to kill some time.

Finally 10 rolled around, we went into the museum, saw some cool stuff, looked at some dead, stuffed animals, and after about an hour and a hafl concluded that we had seen pretty much all we wanted to see and headed back out to the street.

(this is the beauty of free admission with a corporate membership… no feeling like you have to see EVERYTHING in one visit because you just paid a gagillion bucks to get in the door)

Next on the hit parade was The Met. That meant crossing Central Park, so we went in and sort of wandered / crossed and took paths that looked like they might generally lead to the other side of the place (there are a LOT of paths ion that park).

We came out a bit South of where we wanted to be, but headed up the road to find the Museum right where it ought to be.

The whole time we were doing this, we were also on the lookout for a Sabretts cart (lunch time, you know) and we just couldn’t find one.

There seems to be some kind of franchise on carts around Central Park – they all sell EXACTLY THE SAME THING. We found one lonely little Sabretts guy across the street from the Met, but he wasn’t ready to sell yet… we ended up with one of the Central Park Stepford Dogs… it was good, but not Sabretts… ah well.

So, into The Met… we looked at Egyptian, Medieval, and Chinese things (again, free admission means you don’t have to sweat seeing everything!)… by then it was lateish in the afternoon and we decided to head back out.

I still wanted to go visit the International headquarters of the company I work for (just to say I had been to the Mother Ship).

So, we went wandering back through Central Park to get over to the west side.

A word about Central Park…

Turns out, it’s kind of in a hole. There is no wind there (or not where we went). The maps, they suck.

So.. if you are ever in Central Park for just a nice wander about the park, that is fine… if you are looking for something specific, I suggest you take a New Yorker in with you, because otherwise you aren’t finding it.

We completely failed to find Strawberry Fields.

We saw many other things we were not looking for at all.

We were much sweatier and tireder that we had planned for when we finally found a path out of the place.

Oh… and about 15 blocksaway from where we thought we would be.

Note to self… Do not go to NYC to go walking in the woods. If you want woods, go to the mountains where the paths are BLAZED!

So, from there, we went to the company headquarters to gaze upon the glory that is the building they built (It really is quite nice).

We took a break in the hotel, then walked down Broadway to Times Square to have dinner at the Heartland Brewery Chophouse… a ROCKIN’ local brew chain. It was yummy. If you ever go there, order the spinach dip… it totally tasted like spinach dip clam chowder. mmmmmmm.

To make up for the cake disaster of the night before, I stopped in at the Roxy Deli on Broadway and got the world’s heaviest slice of carrot cake. Seriously… one slice. He handed it to me, it must’ve weighed a pound… maybe more. It was soooooooo tasty, but I couldn’t finish it (and if you know me and cake, that’s really saying something).

After all that, we were pretty tired. Plus, I am a fuddy duddy and I don’t like to stay out past my bed time, so we crashed at the hotel and watched the crappy cable reception and went to bed.

Well, I went to bed. Alas for the Hubby… I did not realize when I booked the room that the whole hotel was non-smoking. So he had to make a couple of trips to the sidewalk. I, however, slept like the dead for about 12 hours.

Thus endeth day two. Not quite so funny as day one, but ever so much more enjoyable!

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So that was fun…

New York was pretty fun.

Well, with the exception of the first day, which has now earned the official “Worst birthday so far in my life” stamp (that’s a pretty loose stamp, because I tend to not really remember a whole lot of things about my life… but, anyway, worst birthday currently left in my mind is applicable as an award as well).

So this week I plan to write every day a little bit about the trip.

I will start with this (of course, from day 1).

Dear Random European Visitor to the US:

I have taken anthropology classes and comparative religion and all that jazz in college, and I am aware that different cultures treat personal space differently and that your particular culture may not, shall we say, need any particular amount of space between you and the next person.

I don’t care.

Get your ass away from my face, please.

In the US, when someone is sitting down next to a railing (on a boat, say) and there is an empty space on the railing next to this seat where you can, if you like, squeeze in and look over the side, please keep in mind that by doing so, you are putting your ass directly in the face of someone who is just trying to sit in a chair and maybe see a little of the scenery as it goes by and perhaps take a nice picture of the Brooklyn Bridge without having your ass also in the picture for scale.

On a side note, not related to personal space, but directly related to ass-face proximity… if you are going to wear your adorable low-rise jeans with your frilly pink undies peeking up over the top of said low-rise jeans for all the world (and especially me, as you have come over and put the low-rise jeans directly in my face) to see, I have two words that you may, just possibly, wish to consider… Bikini Wax.

I’m just sayin‘.

Sincerely,

NCP.

Day 1 also included:

  • walking in too-hot, too-humid, summer-in-the-city,
  • a blister coming up almost immediately upon starting a trek across the city,
  • a too long boat-ride (for future reference, do NOT take the three hour tour… two hours is plenty, trust me),
  • a sweaty trek up the island after the boat ride through neighborhoods that, I’m sure are lovely and not filled with criminals but you couldn’t quite tell that by walking through them,
  • dehydration,
  • headaches,
  • mysterious price-hikes from the menu in the hotel to the menu in the actual restaurant, and
  • bad cake.

It got much better on day 2.

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By Popular Demand

And by “popular demand”, I mean that twice someone has mentioned in passing that I don’t have an email address on this blog.

Hey… I still sting a little from High School… I’ll take “popular” any way I can get it :)

So, OK, there it is >>>

Over there, on the right.

It’s my super-secret blogging email address!

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If I can (boom boom) Make It There…

Thursday Morning we will embark on the Big Damn Birthday Trip to NYC. Woo Hoo!

Not only do I love New York, and love hanging out and walking around Manhattan… it’s going to be 20 degrees cooler there than here, and I am totally looking forward to that!!

Thursday: Predicted High* – 84.

Plans:

  • Arrive in NYC around 10.
  • Go see Grand Central Terminal,
  • go see theNYC Public Library and Bryant Park,
  • go to a cart on the corner of 53rd and Lex that apparently sells the best empanadas in the city
  • Walk down to the 42nd Street dock to take the circle line cruise around the isladn
  • Check into the hotel
  • Go out to Time Square to site-see and have dinner at the Heartland brewery (an NYC chain of brew pubs)
  • Fall exhausted into bed

Friday: Predicted High* – 83

Plans:

  • Natural History Museum (Free for employees of my company!)
  • Walk around the top half of Central Park
  • The Met (Free for employees of my company!)
  • Walk around the bottom half of Central Park
  • Eat cart hot dogs and pretzles!
  • Go see Columbus Circle – maybe the CNN studio.
  • Eat dinner at some pizza paces with “Ray” in the name
  • Fall exhausted into bed

Saturday: Predicted High* – 75

Plans:

  • Walking around in Chelsea (Chelsea Market!), The Village, Little Italy, Chinatown
  • Must go to Washington Square Park and eat Khlav Kalash
  • Prolly have dinner some place in the Village
  • Fall exhausted into bed

Sunday: Predicted High* – 75

Plans:

  • Top of the Rock
  • Other Rockefeller Center Stuff
  • Walk around Midtown Some
  • Airport and home

Whew… Fun Fun Fun!

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*I know, the weather men get these things wrong… but I am really keeping my fingers crossed for these high temps.

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Must… Restrain… Killing… Impulse

If the guy in the next row of cubes over does not stop clearing his throat very soon…

I am going to have to go over there and rip the fucking thing out for him.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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