Archive for February, 2010

Just…. Ew

Dear Swiffer,

I am sure you think you are being really clever and funny with your new commercials.

But the idea of my mop and rake getting it on in the garage while I am on the other side of the wall – oh, there’s just so much wrong with that.

And the mop and the bowling ball?  Really?

Just… please.  I have a Swiffer.  I like your products.  I buy them, really I do.  I do not need this, whatever it is campaign to convince me that – what – I should get rid of my broom ’cause she’s a slut…  I just don’t know what you’re after here.

Please stop implying that my household cleaning implements have sex lives.

Thank you,

NCP

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Numbers Game

Trigger Warning – scale talk…

Health talk often centers around numbers.  Some are useful and some are not… but regardless, the numbers fascinate me.

I weigh myself every day… not to punish or berate myself for moving up or down or whatever… but because I am interested in how my behavior and work outs and eating, etc from the previous day have impacted my body and the only realistic way I can see that impact is on the scale.

But I love all the numbers.

I love to get my lab tests back when I go for my annual physical and see my cholesterol numbers -  HDL, LDL, Triglycerides, and Thyroid and whatever other numbers that the doc decided to test for that time around.

Fascinating!

If I could afford it, I would go and have one of those resting metabolic rate tests.  Now THERE’S a number I’d like to see.  I am convinced that my body burns almost no calories at all (based on how it reacts to, say, a day at the Mexican Buffet).  But i’d love to have a real test that told me exactly what I burn at rest, during exercise, etc.  But those tests are a couple of hundred dollars, and I can always think of something better to do with that money (Mexican Buffet, anyone?)

So last week, in furtherance of my data collection crusade, I went on Amazon and ordered a new scale.

My existing scale is about 10 years old, and it’s quite a bit “off” from the Dr. scale – which is fine, really, because for me, the actual number that it reads isn’t really as important as whether it’s staying pretty much the same.  But still, I thought it might be nice to have a more accurate one, and so I splurged.

I bought a super-fancy new scale that not only tells me my weight, it also runs a little electric current through the body and tells the percentage of body fat and the percentage of water.

This to me is some super cool info.  Water percentage?  I try to stay properly hydrated, but knowing the actual percent will be interesting… and seeing how it varies day to day, etc. is something I will look forward to.  Body fat percentage is also something I want to know about.  One of my current fitness goals is to get stronger, and put some additional muscle on my core and upper body.  The body fat percentage is really just a backwards way of being able to tell if I am adding muscle to my frame, so that’s going to help in tracking that goal.

One of the things I like about this scale is all the warnings that the company had out on their web site – most specifically aimed at women, telling them how important it is to not try to get body fat percentage down below the recommended range for their age, and explaining the difference between how much body fat a “regular” person should have vs. a professional weight lifter, etc.  It just seemed nice to me that a company that sells a product that could so clearly be a negative influence on someone who had an eating disorder would take any time at all to think about warning people not to use the data to beat themselves up.  (of course, it’s still a fitness product company, they only went so far).

Anyway – It shipped last week, and the UPS tracker claims that it should show up tomorrow.

Excited for new numbers!

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So, OK, We Lost. Again.

But I remind myself that playing on the B Dazzlers is not about winning.  It’s about having fun, and gaining experience, and making sure that everyone gets a chance to play, no matter what their skill level.

OK, it would be nice to win one, though.

This team, no chance, they were really, really good.  Powerful, strong hitters.  Our A team could have beaten them, but it would have been a close game.

Hey!  We didn’t lose by 100, though!

Below are some great pics taken by the photographer at the Augusta Chronicle, Michael Holahan.

Here I am reaching back to try and whip my jammer around the front of the pack. You can see her reaching, and the opposing playing coming in for the hit.

Here is the opposing player connecting that hit with our jammer and me realizing that whip isn't gonna happen.

Aaaaand, tha aftermath...

Derby Rocks!

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Short Term Memories

I listened to a review this morning on NPR by Mr. Kenneth Turan of the LA Times.

It was for Roman Polanskis’ new film “The Ghost Writer”.

It was a lovely, glowing review.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123776626

Kenneth Turan is clearly quite the fan of Mr. Polanski.  Thinks this film is the director at “the height of his powers”… hopes this turns the mans career around… and, in the radio version, hoped that this film would allow Mr. Polanski to “catch fire, one more time.”

Hmmmm….

Funny….

Not one place in the film review did Kenneth Turan mention THAT ROMAN POLANSKI IS A FILTHY CHILD RAPIST WHO DESERVES TO BE SHUNNED BY EVERYONE IN DECENT CIVILIZATIONS!!!

I used to like listening to Kenneth Turan.  He’s an excellent movie reviewer who, even though I really don’t like the artsy kinds of movies he does, always makes the movies he enjoys sound wonderful and intriguing and like something I might want to see.

Sadly, from this day forward…  I will always think of Mr. Turan as someone who thinks it’s perfectly OK to be a child rapist as long as you are also a talented artist.

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I am not Hungry. I am just Bored.

My brain would like me to think I am hungry.

My brain is sitting up there in my head, thinking all manner of loud thoughts about “Aren’t you still hungry?”  “Wouldn’t you like to go to the snack machine and get a nice cookie!?”, “mmmmmm  coooookie”, “Cookies are so tasty!  Don’t you want one?”

So, I checked with my stomach.

“Hey Stomach!?”

“What?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Hey, no, man…  we had a can of soup for lunch.  And we had a cup of hot cocoa after that.  We are all fine and full down here… no need for anything else to join this party.”

I thought as much.

I have completed pretty much everything on my “to do” list for the day.  Except that one last thing.  That thing I’ve been moving along each day and saying “well, I’ll get to that tomorrow”  And now it’s 2 pm.  And I have 3 hours of work day left, and only that one thing sitting there, waiting for me to work on it.

So now my brain, in a last ditch effort to avoid doing this task is trying to ply me with thoughts of cookies from the snack machine in the break room.

Bu I am not falling for its little tricks.  For while eating cookies is a perfectly fine thing, and I do not have a problem with cookies, per se…  I do NOT like to give into the kind of blatant manipulation that the ol’ brain is trying to pull here.

You hear that, brain?  I know what your little game is!

I am NOT hungry…  I am just bored.

Maybe just a few more minutes on FaceBook….

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March 12!!!

I can’t wait!

For on that auspicious day, I will be getting my next tattoo!!!

That’s the SB’s favorite guitar Li’l Snappy Hoo Haw, with his trademark red hat hanging on the headstock.

This shall be tattooed on my lower back.  About the size of my hand, I want to make sure it fits between the undies and bra strap so that bits of it won’t be covered over when I want to either A) show it to someone or B) wear on of my new two piece swim suits.

I wanted to get something that represented my relationship with the SB, but I didn’t want anything cliche, like his name, or whatever.  This DEFINITELY represents him. (Just the hat alone would have done that ;)

So excited!

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Monday Tuesday

It’s Monday…  but it’s Tuesday!

All hail the four day work week!

Short week AND a derby bout to play in Augusta, GA on Sunday… gonna be a good week!

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F You, “St. Valentine”, and Your Little Day Too!

Valentines Day.

Not a Fan.

OK, OK, I am an adult, and have, for the most part, moved on from the past and laid my childhood trauma to rest.

But there’s one thing I simply have never been able to get over, and that is the horror that is St. Valentines Day.

I think that maybe up to the 3rd grade or so, when everyone was REQUIRED to bring in stupid little cards and candy for EVERYONE else in the class, well, it wasn’t so bad as all that.  One more faux holiday and an excuse to eat (usually bad) candy.

But with age comes freedom from teacher mandated fairness, and from there on out, Valentines day was always just a way for the cool, pretty, popular kids to stick it to the new, the uncool, the less pretty, the fat, etc. etc. kids.

As a kid who was a) smart b) fat c) in a new school every two or three years… I’ll let you imagine how many Valentines day cards I every got.

Oh, that’s right, none.

High School.  It’s Valentines Day… several school clubs would “fundraise” by selling balloons, flowers, candy, etc. and delivering them in home room for kids to carry around the rest of the day.

The pretty cheerleaders could barely manage to carry around their load of swag the rest of the day… but you better believe they did…  wouldn’t want anyone to think they didn’t have those dozens of admirers.

Did I ever once have a balloon to carry around on Valentines day?  Yeh, no.

Valentines Day…  Specially made for humiliation and spite!  Yay Cupid!

When I was first dating the SB, our first Valentines day, I bought a lovely card and a present, etc. etc.  I thought it would be awesome to be dating someone on Valentines day.  But really?  I wasn’t buying that stuff as an expression of “love” or “romance”…  they were really just a way to stick it to Valentines day and everything it stands for.

I’m not a “romantic” – I’m not a sappy card person… those things are not the way I show love and affection.  For me, participating in Valentines day is not only a dredger of bad memories, it’s also completely inauthentic to the person I am.

So I choose to eschew all things Valentines.  I boycott all heart shaped boxes of chocolates.  I do not want any shiny jewels. I will not be going out for any fancy dinners. I will not be participating in the consumer festival that the commercials tell us are required of us lest our significant others feel that we have not spent sufficiently to prove our love.

I’m not passionate enough about most things to go to all the trouble of avoiding them to this degree … what can I say – Valentines Day is made for passion!

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Maude Have Mercy

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Doggie Update

For those of you who have been keeping track…

The Gabberhund is doing much better now.

Eating and drinking OK.  Still doing a lot of snoozing, but she was pretty lazy to start with.

She is still wobbly, but seems to get better each day with how well she’s walking.

So… good news… if a little slow.

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