No Celery Please

Dear Pizza Hut,

Seriously.  How can you send me an advertisement that says:

ANY PIZZA!

ANY SIZE!

ANY CRUST!

Just $10!!!

And then – RIGHT UNDER THAT – have a disclaimer that says stuffed crust is extra.

How, and on what planet, does that meet the definition of ANY CRUST!??!  Stuffed Crust IS, by definition, part of the group “ANY” crust!

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!!

Sincerely,

NCP

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Handily, we have an awesome NY Style pizza place that we go to now, so I have not had to sully myself with a Pizza Hut pizza in several years.  But man, I used to LOVE to get a tasty sausage stuffed crust pizza. Not any more.  I am done with that.  Lying Bastards!

Or, at least, that is what they seemed to be implying with their RIDICULOUSLY SEXIST super bowl ads they played last night.

The idea appears to be that if it weren’t for girls and their stupid “always wanting men to pick up their socks and rinse the sink when they make a mess of it, and possibly have an adult conversation once in a while that doesn’t involve burping and / or cheese-covered snack foods”… well then, men would constantly live a blissful existence full of wonderful dirty laundry, overflowing garbage, and 24/7 staring at the television.

DAMN YOU! YOU STOOPID GIRLZ!

In order to make up for the fact that men are FORBIDDEN from living in this garbage and laundry overflowing utopia of unemployment and junk food…

Well, they can drive a Dodge Charger and watch LIVE TV at their fingertips with Flo TV!!

I found these commercials offensive to women.

I found them WAY MORE offensive to men… who are portrayed as though they would live in steaming piles of their own filth doing nothing but gaming and snacking all day if it weren’t for the interference of the womenz.

Really, Dodge?  You think men are just brain dead slobs who are SO ANGRY at being forced to live like civilized human beings that their ONLY response is to drive a big, angry car?  And you, Flo TV?  Life is just not worth living unless you can have television streamed to you at any and all locations, no matter what else might be going on?  NO TIME FOR HUMAN INTERACTION!!!  MUST WATCH TV!!!!

Ugh.  Some marketers…

Oh, and, yes, the Bridgestone Tires commercial was also APPALLING…  but since I am so disappointed with the current set of Bridgestones that I have on my car, and I have no plans to EVER give them any of my money again, well, I just didn’t want to waste my breath on the ridiculousness that they served up last night.

If you haven’t seen them…

Flo TV… http://www.hulu.com/adzone/watch#50032678

Dodge… http://www.hulu.com/adzone/watch#50032682

Bridgestone… http://www.hulu.com/adzone/watch#50032689

So Chase has this new card – the “Sapphire” card, and they are running the WORLDS MOST ANNOYING ADVERTISEMENT to promote this thing.

Commercial starts with rich couple in living room.  Rich wife comes in with a new fancy dress on.  The husband is apparently inspired by said dress to want to take a vacation and suggests cashing in their credit card points for a trip.

From the clips, we are led to assume this would be a whirlwind European* romp or something.

The wife coyly shoots him down… he thinks this is because she doesn’t understand the concept of trading in points for travel, and so has an excuse to extol the virtues of the new Sapphire Card.  At the end of all this, the wife tips that the reason she shot him down is that she used all the points to get the fancy dress, the husband smiles like he’s the luckiest guy in the world, the commercial ends.

Now… here’s my beef with this commercial… (I will leave aside the feminist aspects of the husband assuming his wife is a mouth-breathing moron who can’t grasp the concept of “points”)

In what fucking universe is the appropriate response to finding out that your spouse just traded in enough points to take a FREE EUROPEAN VACATION on an article of clothing to SMILE CONDESCENDINGLY rather than PUNCHING SAID SPOUSE RIGHT IN THE HEAD!!!!??????

Now, I am not a violent person by nature.  But SERIOUSLY!!!  Did you see the clips of the trip they could have taken?  There were dinners!  Dancing!  Boat Rides!  SPECTACULAR VACATION!!!!  Gone!  No Chance!  Because of a DRESS!  (and, frankly, kind of a funny-looking one at that) – HEAD PUNCHING TIME!!!

So… the SB now has to change the channel every time this awful thing comes on, because I start yelling at the fake rich husband in this couple that he’s an idiot and he needs to divorce this crazy, point-wasting bitch.

For the love of Maude… at least have the decency to DISCUSS blowing the whole wad on couture first before you DO IT!

You can see this abomination of humanity here (if you dare): http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1227613352?bctid=36524042001

* OK, these places could be in the US…  but the feel of the clips seem European to me, like they are trying to imply that you could save up enough points for that.