No Celery Please

The SB likes to eat these things – has two bags in the kitchen RIGHT NOW and is having them with his lunch today.

http://www.taquitos.net/chips/Utz_Crab_Chip

Lying Bastards!

They are chips from the fine people at Utz, who have brought us all many fine and tasty chip-related products.

However, in this one, the so-called “crab” chip, they really, in my opinion, screwed the pooch.

Why is that?  you may ask?

I will tell you.  These alleged “crab” flavored chips do not, in fact, have even a tiny hint of crab flavor to them.

I was very excited by the concept of the crab chip.  I love crab!  Actually, let’s face it.  I am cheap.  I really love “Krab” but, hey, it’s the flavor we are talking about here.  CRAB CHIPS!!!

I expected something reminiscent of the yummerific prawn cocktail flavoured (the “u” is important here, they don’t make these in the US) crisps of my childhood that – HEY – actually taste (somewhat) like prawn cocktail!

NOT (quite) Lying Bastards!

The issue here is, if you look closely at the bag of the “crab” chips… the flavor is actually that of Old Bay Crab Seasoning.

And, if you’ve never had it…  you might wonder… what’s the PRIMARY TASTE in old bay seasoning?

Yuck

You may click here for the ingredient list, or just trust me on this one…

THAT’S RIGHT!!!!  CELERY!!!!

So what are these so-called “Crab” chips that were so exciting to me the first time I heard about them?

Yes… that’s right… they are nothing but CELERY CHIPS!!!

I ate one of these things expecting a yummy crab flavored chip and got a big ol’ CELERY CHIP instead.

Cruel, cruel, cruel Utz.  CRUEL!

Look.  I KNOW what dessert is.

You cannot send me a link to an article and say it’s about low-cal desserts, and then start off with “Greek Yogurt and Oranges”

That is not dessert.  That is fruit.  Possibly breakfast.  Maybe a healthy snack.

NOT DESSERT.

I do not see the words “cake”, “cookie”, “ice cream”, “sugary goodness”, or “pudding” in that title.

I’m not saying that greek yogurt with oranges might not be tasty if you are into that kind of thing.  But if I am hankering for a low-cal dessert, and you give me an orange… I am not going to be happy with you.

Fruit and dessert only go together if they involve pie crust and / or cream.

I don’t mind low-cal desserts.  Make them with fake sugar.  Make them with fake fat.  Make them small to reduce the calories.  But you cannot hand me a banana and tell me I am supposed to satisfy the dessert craving with that.

I WILL NOT BE TRICKED!!!!