No Celery Please – NYC Edition!


So that was fun…

Posted in Uncategorized by noceleryplease on August 20, 2007

New York was pretty fun.

Well, with the exception of the first day, which has now earned the official “Worst birthday so far in my life” stamp (that’s a pretty loose stamp, because I tend to not really remember a whole lot of things about my life… but, anyway, worst birthday currently left in my mind is applicable as an award as well).

So this week I plan to write every day a little bit about the trip.

I will start with this (of course, from day 1).

Dear Random European Visitor to the US:

I have taken anthropology classes and comparative religion and all that jazz in college, and I am aware that different cultures treat personal space differently and that your particular culture may not, shall we say, need any particular amount of space between you and the next person.

I don’t care.

Get your ass away from my face, please.

In the US, when someone is sitting down next to a railing (on a boat, say) and there is an empty space on the railing next to this seat where you can, if you like, squeeze in and look over the side, please keep in mind that by doing so, you are putting your ass directly in the face of someone who is just trying to sit in a chair and maybe see a little of the scenery as it goes by and perhaps take a nice picture of the Brooklyn Bridge without having your ass also in the picture for scale.

On a side note, not related to personal space, but directly related to ass-face proximity… if you are going to wear your adorable low-rise jeans with your frilly pink undies peeking up over the top of said low-rise jeans for all the world (and especially me, as you have come over and put the low-rise jeans directly in my face) to see, I have two words that you may, just possibly, wish to consider… Bikini Wax.

I’m just sayin‘.

Sincerely,

NCP.

Day 1 also included:

  • walking in too-hot, too-humid, summer-in-the-city,
  • a blister coming up almost immediately upon starting a trek across the city,
  • a too long boat-ride (for future reference, do NOT take the three hour tour… two hours is plenty, trust me),
  • a sweaty trek up the island after the boat ride through neighborhoods that, I’m sure are lovely and not filled with criminals but you couldn’t quite tell that by walking through them,
  • dehydration,
  • headaches,
  • mysterious price-hikes from the menu in the hotel to the menu in the actual restaurant, and
  • bad cake.

It got much better on day 2.

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6 Responses to 'So that was fun…'

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  1. Al said,

    It might not be totally inapropriate to give said tourist a gentle nudge over the rail so they can have a closer view……

  2. Katrina said,

    Eeek! If you were in a position to recommend a bikini wax, those must have been some REALLY low rise jeans indeed!

  3. Cravey said,

    Dear NCP.
    Please know that I lurve you.
    In a completely non-stalking, platonic – blogger across the miles kind of way.

    also, bad cake is a tragedy.

    JC

  4. wordnerd said,

    Awwwwwww…that sucks. Waiting for Day 2 while high-fiving al and his idea…

  5. Tracy Kaply said,

    There is really nothing more heartbreaking than bad cake.

    I mean it.

  6. the only daughter said,

    As you are now back, and no doubt recovered, I’ll say only…welcome home and I hope you had..make-up cake.

    Happy B Day, by the way!


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