No Celery Please – NYC Edition!

Curiosity may have impaired the performance of some felines. Investigations pending.

Posted in Uncategorized by noceleryplease on April 8, 2008

Since you were kind enough to indulge me with some questions… I suppose I’d better get around to answering them, huh?

From Ron:

1. If you had to pick being blind or deaf, which one would you pick?

Deaf, no question. I think I could get along in the world without being able to hear.  I’m not much of a conversationalist, I’m not hugely into music… TV has closed captioning.  But not being able to see where I am going?  Or drive?  Or take pictures, or read a book (I suppose I could learn braile, but it’s not like there’s an overabundence of braile translations out there).  No, if I had to pick, I’d keep my sight.

2. If you could change 1 key moment in your life would you? and if so how would you change it?

Hmmm… 1 key moment.  I think I might change the day I decided that it was going to be too hard and unfamiliar to go to any of the 4 year colleges I was accepted to and enrolled in my local community college instead.  Not that I didn’t get a good education… although it did take me longer than is traditional, what iwth transferrgin and all… but I don’t have any “college stories”… I think I missed out not living on campus, and all that stuff, even though that’s what I was scared of when I decided not to go. 

And from Renn:

If any of your past bosses walked through the door at your current job, would you be willing to quit your current job and return to work for them?

This is easy.  Um… HELL NO!!!!

Should I go back to the boss who refused to give “excellent” employee reviews because – and I quote – “It doesn’t leave you anything to strive for”?  Or to the boss who was ostensibly the president of an INTERNET COMPANY, but had to have me put the clip art in his documents for him?  Perhaps the boss who blamed anyone and everyone for her mistakes as long as there was nothing the blameee could prove?  (Although, I did  learn the all important art of CYA from her).

No – I like my job, I like my boss, I like my company.  I think I’ll stay here 🙂

From Doc Nagel

What’s that thing over there by the table?

As this is in writing, I am not 100% sure if you are talking about this table over here… in which case, that’s a giant tumbleweed of dog hair.  Or, if you are talking about that table over there, in which case, it’s most likely an adorable kitten doing something wonderfully adorable, and hadn’t you better go take a picture of it and post it on your blog before we all go into adorable kitten withdrawal?  Because, seriously, those are some cute kittens.

Scottsdale Girl said

Brad Pitt? George Clooney? or Alton Brown?

You know what I mean…

Well… Brad Pitt, I can appreciate on an aesthetic level.  He is a handsome man, but, come on, he’s totally a devoted daddy who wants all these babies around, and I think we all know how I feel about babies.

Alton Brown is something of a regular guy, which I can appreciate, but I would send him screaming for the hills with all his “you have to cook your own food” snobbery when everything I eat comes out of a box, can or bag… I think we would not get along.

George Clooney… I admire him greatly as an actor.  Seriously, I would watch the guy paint a fence.  In fact, last weekend, I watched him in Leatherheads, which was practically the same thing, and I still loved it.  I would like very much to talk to him, discuss some of the roles he has chosen, and some of the movies he’s made.  I think he’s a hell of a guy.

And, since I am married, I’m going to interpret “you know what I mean” as “Which of these might you like to be randomly sat next to at a dinner party” – and go with Mr. Clooney.

Deborah asked

You are asked at a conference to describe yourself using one word. Which word would that be?

Only one word?  ONE? Me?  The queen of the run-on sentence?

OK, OK… since I am assuming this is a business conference, and I might want to be getting something out of one of these people at some point, I am going to go with…


But really…  what about Sarcastic?  What about borderline-crazy?  What about efficient?  What about nice?  One word – sheesh!

Brenda Love was interested in many things…

1. What was your most romantic (or fabulous) date ever?

Uh… I had a boyfriend for a few months in high school.  He was a dish washer at a crappy restaurant… so the most fabulous thing we ever did on a date was go to a movie.

I dated another guy when I was 20. He didn’t have any money when we met. And, Uh, yeah, I kind of married him.  So – not really so much with the fabulous dates or anything like that.  Also, the SB knows if he tried to pull any of that “romantic” crap, I’d probably poke his eye out with a stick.

But, once we were married, and I was out of college, and we kind of settled into things, and there was actually some of that there “discretionary income” laying around…  We did sort of get into a habit of going to NYC on a fairly regular basis, and to me, that’s pretty fabulous.

2. What’s your favorite thing to have on a biscuit or breakfast sandwich?

OK, so, strictly speaking, I try not to eat this sort of thing, because biscuits, if they are any good at all, involve large amounts of lard, which is sometihng that I really ought not eat.

BUT!!! If I were going that way… Bojangles biscuit WITH a sausage patty on both sides AND sausage gravy (follewed by a cinnamon biscuit)

And if you do not have Bojangles where you are (which you may not, as it is a Southern thing) – oh my god, I am soooo sorry)

3. If you could visit another country, all expenses paid, which one would you pick and why?

All expenses paid?  Including a security detail and a translator?  Then China…  Oh, I would love to go to China, spend a couple of months, eat the glorious chinese food in the little markets, take the train across the vast country and visit the temples.  Do you know how much history they have in China?  Oh.. and thence to Tibet, to climb in the Himalayas.  Yup… China. 

But… without the security and translator, I’d like to go to Ireland… it’s just so pretty.

4. What do you think about assisted suicide? Is it morally wrong or is it humane?

I am a firm believer that people ought to be able to do what they want to do as long as they are not injuring anyone else in the process.  So – someone is frail, in pain, just doesn’t want to go on any more?  Sure, I don’t see anything at all wrong with allowing them a pain free and sure way to take a bow. 

5. Do you prefer dogs or cats?

Hmmm, I guess it would depend on the sauce…

But, really, I love other people’s cats, but I don’t know if I could have one… You can’t take a cat for a hike in the woods.  (and trust me, I saw a woman in the woods hiking with her cat in a pack on her back, and this was possibly the MOST unhappy cat I have ever seen in my life)

Dogs.  But small ones.

6. Would you still have sex with Johnny Depp even if you knew he had herpes?

Frankly, although I do admire Johnny Depp as something of an object d’arte, the very idea of having sex with him is a little creepy.  He’s a weirdo.  I  can only assume that would apply to everything he does.

Tiff wanted to know

Gnomes or dwarves, and why?

Gnomes. Gnomes are magic, and they can help you with your travel plans.  Dwarves are just short.

When you were four, what did you think you would be when you were all grown up, and, as a corollary, do you think you are grown up yet?

I do not remember when I was four.  I do not remember much of my own childhood.  Could this be because I had some horrible trauma that my brain is hiding from me?  Well, maybe, but then I suppose I don’t want to know if that’s the case.

Anyway, the first memory I have of wanted to be something when I grew up was closer to 10, and I wanted to be a pedeatrician.

Then, I learned how hard it is to be a doctor, and I changed my mind.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be a high school history teacher, but then, when I was in college, there was a serious rash of teachers being shot in their classrooms by crazy students, so I changed my mind.

When I got out of college, I took a job as a glorified secretary.  Which, by the way, if you major in history and then decide not to teach, is all you are qualified for when you get out of school.

Since then, I kind of went where whim, and opprtunity have taken me.

And, yes, I think I am grown up.  It took a lot of doing, but I am very glad I finally got here… being a kid totally blows.

And, finally, ETW asked

What do you do for work (you don’t have to be specific, just a general field)?

I work in Corporate Security, which is far away from anywhere I ever thought I’d be, but it suits my seriously paranoid and cynical side. 

It’s not the guards and fences side of things, but the fraud, business continuity, workplace violence prevention, education and training side of things.  It’s actually more interesting than you might imagine.

What is it with celery? Taste? Texture? Everything?

Celery is gross.  People will tell you it has no taste, but that is a lying lie.  It does have a taste, a nasty, celery taste that infects every part of any dish it is put into.

Also, it is stringy.

But, if I am a guest in your house, and you serve me something with celery in it, I will eat it, and never say a word. (although probably not all of it).

Celery is gross, but I am polite.


That was most fun!  thanks for the questions!  I recommend you try this yourself!


7 Responses to 'Curiosity may have impaired the performance of some felines. Investigations pending.'

Subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'Curiosity may have impaired the performance of some felines. Investigations pending.'.

  1. Deborah said,

    Quite fascinating questions and wonderfully entertaining responses. Thanks for indulging -us-.

  2. I suspected the stringy factor may have something to do with the hatred and yes, celery does have a taste… it’s not much, but there’s a flavor there, otherwise why would it be part of a bouquet garni?

  3. Ron said,

    Good answers 🙂 And I agree, I think I would pick deaf. I would miss music, but sight would be worse.

  4. tiff said,

    ETW said bouquet garni! I know what that is! What do I win? A gnome?

  5. Doc Nagel said,

    Cute kitten photos shall be updated later this evening. I’m decompressing.

    In the I AM AN ANNOYING JERK department, celery is not part of a bouquet garni – that’s the little bundle of herbs you stick in the stock pot. Celery is part of the mirepoix, which is the dice of root veg you stick in the stock pot (and by all that is holy, roast or sauté them first!).

  6. renn said,

    Dwarves may be short, but they’re fun to toss.

    Or so says my husband.

    Well done!

  7. Brenda Love said,

    China would be a great place to visit – as long as you aren’t an Olympic torch.

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