Not sure if I can do it.
So for the last 20 months or so I have been pretty obsessively tracking my calorie intake on my Calorie Count application.
It’s not “normal”… I know that… you know that… my dog knows that…
But it’s how I have been dealing with my eating issues. Count, count, count… Track, track, track…
I have been toying off and on for the past couple of months with the idea of stopping this behavior and trying to eat like a “normal” person.
You know… if I am hungry, having some food. And if I am not hungry, then not eating.
This isn’t going to be easy. I have trouble stopping when I am full, which is why I use the counting method.
But is it realistic to count and track for the rest of my life? I mean… literally… the next 40 years spent entering everything I eat into a little computer? I suspect not.
So I gotta figure out how to do this thing.
I thought that maybe making the announcement that I am quitting the tracking might make me more accountable to actually do it. I am already backtracking even as I type this. Letting go of the control scares the bejeezus out of me.
So I am going to wing it for a week. I am not giving up all measuring. I will allow the use of measuring cups and scoops. And anything really high calorie like cheese or nuts, I am going to still weigh on my scale. Because I know damn well that I can easily “cheat” my way into multiple servings of cheese. God how I love cheese.
I’ll most likely still keep track in my head, but I am going to stop and ask myself each time I want something to eat… “Are you hungry? Or just bored?” Or do you just feel like you need to “finish”?
Example – tonight I ate dinner. I was satisfied after about 2/3rds was gone. But I ate it all – because it’s what I had as my portion… and I WANT to eat everything I am “due”. That’s my overeating problem coming out. The only way I stay where I am is by letting the restriction and control impulse battle the overeating impulse to a stalemate.
Gah! Even now I am panicking that I will go completely crazy and just pile on the weight.
But I can’t let the crazy win!
So I am going to commit to a week. One full week of no tracking.
And see where we go from there.